Don't Argue With The Gay Flight Attendant

I started bursting out laughing when I read this funny story. Since this is somewhat a travel related joke, I decided to post it here and share it with you.

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed an extremely well-dressed and exotic young woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one."

To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray up, Bitch."

source: http://humour.200ok.com.au

MISSING PUPPY

This is so funny that I decided to post it here! I received this from my awesome friend Myra through e-mail. Here it goes...

My neighbor has lost her puppy and is desperate in finding him. She does a lot of traveling and always brings her dog back with her.

Yesterday, she was sitting on the couch watching TV when she realized she hasn't seen her pup for a long time and can't even think when or where she last saw him.

She has been putting up signs everywhere. (See the picture). If you have seen this dog, please let me know and I will notify her. Your help would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks in advance.

Chinese Secret Code

My Chinese best friend sent me this cool and fun secret code. And it says "Para sa mga singkit lamang" (for chinky eyed only).

I'm just not sure if this will work on a smaller monitor size.

Here it goes... Try to decipher the code written in black.

If you can't then, follow the guidelines given below. You won't believe it... it's really amazing!

Now try pulling the corner of your eyes as if you are Chinese...

Close your eyes almost 90% so that you can actually read it!

I kept on deciphering this code. Sometimes, I can actually read it without making my eyes smaller. hahaha... It's really fun!

On Vacation

Hello Everyone!

I'll be traveling to two different cities in CHINA - BEIJING and SHANGHAI tomorrow with my hubby for a NINE Day Tour. So, I'll be away from my PC for more than a week and thus won't have time to blog.

But in the meantime, you can read these text jokes that I find it funny:

Kung Nag GAY SPEAK lang sana si GMA at GARCI, eh di sana walang gulo ngayon...

GMA: Halloo Garcia!!

GARCI: Yes Mother! Nakachukchak ko na po yung mga chuva ek ek!!

GMA: Bonggacious!! Yung mga tienes tienes, carry na ba?

GARCI: Winnie Santos na mama! Wiz na worry!! Eclavou na ever!!

GMA: Ang tarush!! Babusshhh!!

At a Funeral.

ERAP: Tara Jinggoy, umalis na tayo.

JINGGOY: Eh Kararating pa lang naten ah?!

ERAP: Naku! Mahirap nang maiwan. Basahin mo: "Remains will be Cremated".

While taking a bath,

Erap called Loi: Wala bang shampoo?

Loi: Maraming shampoo diyan ah.

ERAP" Eh puro for Dry Hair 'to. Basa na ang buhok ko!

FARMER: Lalake na talaga ang aking anak kasi magsasaka na. Ano ang plano mong itanim sa sakahan natin anak?

SON: Flowers po itay. Madaming Madaming FLOWERS E-V-E-R!

KILLER: Father mangungumpisal po ako.

FATHER: Ano Kasalanan mo?

KILLER: Pumatay po ako ng 20 tao.

FATHER: Bakit?

KILLER: Kasi po naniniwala po sila sa diyos. Kayo po naniniwala ba?

FATHER: Umm, da..dati, pero ngayon trip trip na lang. (hehehe..natakot si father)

Just a Giggle 1: Don't Get Up!

Two Arabs boarded a flight out of London. One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat. Just before take-off, a U.S. Marine sat down in the aisle seat. After take-off, the Marine kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, "I need to get up and get a Coke."

"Don't get up," said the Marine. "I'm in the aisle seat. I'll get it for you."

As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the Marine's right shoe and spat in it.

When the Marine returned with a Coke, the other Arab said, "That looks good. I'd really like one, too." Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone, the other Arab picked up the Marine's left shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.

"Why does it have to be this way?" he asked. "How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in Cokes?"

For Filipinos Living Abroad (Joke Time!)

Arrgh… yesterday I had a head cold, but thank God my headache is gone now. But I still have this common cold affecting my nasal passages. (HAATSUU!!! excuse me.) I’m still in my groggiest days, taking all the medicines from biogesic, bioflu, decolgen and tuseran forte. (This is already a free advertising, uhurmm! calling all the drug companies…) Even as I write this, I’ve had to deal with colds. Ahhh… I’ve got to drink a lot of water (gulp…gulp…)

Since I am not in a good condition now, I’ll just share and lighten you up with these jokes that I received from my e-mail.


Bagong salta sa America, yung Pinoy ay gustong mag-long distance sa Pilipinas kaya dinayal yung "0 for Operator".
Operator: AT&T. How may I help you?
Pinoy: Heyloow. Ay wud like to long distans da Pilipins, plis.
Operator: Name of the party you're calling?
Pinoy: Aybegyurpardon? Can you repit agen plis?
Operator: What is the name of the person you are calling?
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu and sori. Da name of my calling is Elpidio Abanquel. Sori and tenkyu.
Operator: Please spell out the name of the person you're calling phonetically.
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. What is foneticali?
Operator: Please spell out the letters comprising the name a letter at a time and citing a word for each letter.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Da name of Elpidio Abanquel is Elpidio Abanquel. I will spell his name foneticali. Elpidio: E as in Elpidio, L as in lpidio, p as in pidio, i as in idio, d as in dio, i as in io and o as in o.
Operator: Sir, can you please use English words.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Abanquel: A as in Airport, B as in Because, A as in Airport agen, N as in... Enemy, Q as in... Cuba, U as in... Europe, E as in... Important and L as in... Elephant.

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Breakfast

Nag-o-order ng breakfast yung bagong saltang Pinoy sa isang coffee shop sa Manhattan...
Waiter: "What kind of coffee would you like, regular or decaf?"
Pinoy: "No... Big cup! Big cup!"
Waiter: "What would you like for your breakfast?"
Pinoy: "Hameneggs."
Waiter: "And how do you like your eggs, sir?"
Pinoy: "Yes, tenkyu, I like dem beri much."
Waiter: "No sir, I mean how would you like them cooked?"
Pinoy: "Yes, tenkyu, I wud like dem cooked."
Waiter (with increasing impatience): "Would you like your eggs... fried? poached? hard boiled or soft boiled?"
Pinoy (with increasing uneasiness): "Yes, one fried en one hard boiled or sop boiled."
Waiter: "And what bread would you like?"
Pinoy: "Begyurpardon?"
Waiter: "What kind of bread would you like... white? rye? whole wheat? toast?"
Pinoy: "Pan Amercano..."
Waiter: "We don't have that..."
Pinoy: "Okey. Gib me Taystee..."
Waiter: "We don't have that either, sir..."
Pinoy: "Do you heb pan de lemon or bonete?"
Waiter: "Sir, you are wasting my time... I shall ask for the last time, what would you like for breakfast?"
Pinoy: "Donut plis..."

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Painter

Matagal nang naghahanap ng trabaho yung bagong saltang Pinoy. Nakakita siya ng posibilidad sa "Help Wanted" section ng Classified Ads.

"Wanted - Painter of Porch".

Aba!, sabi nung Pinoy sa sarili... OK ito! Sa Pilipinas, e marami na akong pininta; yung libingan ng lolo ko, yung pader ng lumang bahay namin, yung kulungan ng mga baboy ng tiyo ko - pwede palagay ko ako rito!

In-explain nung Kano na nangangailangan ng pintor: "I need to have my porch painted, all in one day. The work involves scraping all the paint up to the bare surface, applying a coat of primer and two final coats of orange paint. Can you do this?

"Sagot nung Pinoy nung ininterbyu siya ng Kano... "Sir, yes sir. I can kaskas... I mean, remoob paint en apply paint beri well.""Okay!", sabi nung Kano. "You've got the job! Everything you'll need has been unloaded from the trunk of the car."

Tatlong oras pa lang, narining na nung Kano na kumakatok yung Pinoy sa pinto niya. "Sir... Pinis oreydi"."Wow!" sabi nung Kano. "You finished the job in three hours. Are you sure you scraped the old paint to the bare surface?"

"Sir, yes sir. I tanggalated all the old paint." sagot nung Pinoy.
"Then, you deserve a bonus! Here's another 20 bucks." sabi nung Kano.
"Sir, tenkyu sir." wika nung Pinoy. "Pero sir, you don't heb a porch... your car is a BMW..."

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Bisaya Ini in Amerika

Napansin nung Tiyo na yung kaniyang pamangkin na bagong salta sa America ay umiiyak sa tabi ng kaniyang nakatumbang bisikleta sa tabing daan.
Tanong tuloy nung Tiyo, "Hijo, bakit ka umiiyak?"
Sagot nung pamangkin, "Angkol, Angkol..."
Madaling kinorek nung Tiyo yung kaniyang pamangkin, "Hijo, ikaw ay nasa America na. Hindi Angkol... Angkel!"
Tinuloy nung pamangkin yung kaniyang kwento, "Angkel, Angkel, I rode my Bysikol..."
Madali muling kinorek nung Tiyo yung kaniyang pamangkin, "Hijo, nasa America ka na. hindi Bysikol ang tawag diyan... Bysikel".
Muling tinuloy nung pamangkin yung kaniyang kwento, "Angkel, Angkel, I rode my Bysikel to buy some Papsikol..."
Madali na namang kinorek nung Tiyo, "Hijo, hindi Papsikol - Papsikel!"
Tinuloy ulit nung pamangkin yung kaniyang kwento, "Angkel, Angkel, I rode my Bysikel, to buy some Papsikel... en den I pel... now I heb a Bukel..."